The Cost Of Loneliness In Motherhood

I’ve partnered up with The Cost Of Loneliness Project to bring awareness to the feeling of loneliness in motherhood.  Nothing ever prepares you for all the responsibilities and doubts that come along with becoming a parent.  It is a big change in our lives and it is not uncommon to feel emotionally isolated from everything, affecting our well being.  Feelings we never felt, thoughts that come to mind, and not having a support system, can really affect us on a emotional level. The consequences can become serious and sometimes deadly.  It is a sensitive topic most people feel uncomfortable taking about it but bringing awareness to this cause is so important to prevent the consequences that come along with this loneliness feeling.

Between 25-45% of American adults report being chronically lonely. (Fortune, June 2016)
The loneliest part of being a mom is not knowing how to handle change.  Yes you have this little person 24/7 now but there’s still that feeling of finding yourself as a mom.  Becoming a mom changed me.  My focus on things shifted from one thing to another over a short period of time.  I had a little person to take care of now and that little person became the focus and the best thing in my life.
When Aubrey came into my life I was in a very sad place to say the least.  I no longer had a job and a little bit of me was lost in that.  I could no longer be who I wanted to be(so I thought).  I was “Mommy” now, no more high heals, no more of the latest trends in my wardrobe.  My priorities changed from being all about me to focusing on my baby first.  Trust me I loved and still love that mommy role but I didn’t like loosing a little bit of me in the process. I felt lost, frustrated and lonely.
I have been lucky enough to meet a group of pretty amazing mamas who not only support me when I need them but also inspire me to be a better mom.  They are truly an amazing group of super mommies.  Our group was started when I joined a Facebook Mommy group. I had just moved to my city, pregnant with my second baby and no one to call my friend.  Someone put out a post asking if there were any pregnant mommies wanting to meet-up and I jumped on the opportunity.  I am so thankful I did because they were my rock at 2:00 am when I couldn’t sleep, had complains, and or share my pregnancy cravings.  We still continue to grow together as mommies and we know we can share complains about motherhood and not be judged, share pictures of our silly kids, or just plan a play-date to catch up.  Truly blessed to have every single one of them in my life.
Teaching your children to build community is extremely valuable as they grow up.  They will learn a strong sense of self and learn how to interact with others along the way.  As for my girls I encourage them to learn how to accept individuality in others above all.  We are all different and we all offer different things to a relationship.  As we go to different play-dates with mommy groups they are able to interact with other children and learn from each experience.  With each experience they become stronger beings later on in life.

Top 3 tips to feel MORE CONNECTED as a mom:

1. Join local Mommy Meet Up groups.  Some offer play dates while others offer mommy night out dates.  Perfect to meet other like minded moms in your neighborhood.
2. Self-care which includes Mental, Emotional, and Physical care.  It could be something as simple as taking a bath while the kids are napping or at school, read a book, or meditate.
3.  Reach-out to someone who you think might be going through the same situation as you and be each others support.  Talk, get things off your chest and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t alone and I could still enjoy life in a different way.  So yes, I am Mommy 100% of my time, I have snot and spit on my clothes most of the time, and a 5 minute shower is a blessing but I love it…it’s all a balance.  I continue to work on myself but the important thing is that I have found who I am again.  I am no longer that girl that I was four years ago but a better, stronger version of that and I am pretty amazing because of all that I went through.
 
Just know that if you are going to anything similar, you are not alone and there is help.  You can find more information on the topic of loneliness at TheCostOfLoneliness Project.
Xo,
Fely
Disclaimer:  I’ve partnered up with @TheCostOfLoneliness Project.  All opinions are my own.
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27 comments so far.

27 responses to “The Cost Of Loneliness In Motherhood”

  1. Nik says:

    It’s very to be lonely and the statistics you shared is really shocking of 2016. The tips are great expecting it will be helpful for all the lonely mums out there 🙂

  2. Cassie says:

    YOu provides a lot of good info for moms who do feel lonely. I’m thankfully I haven’t lost the feeling of being me

  3. Thea says:

    Great post. It’s very important to take care of oneself if you’re feeling lonely.

  4. tara pittman says:

    Joining a moms group helped me. It can be lonely taking care of a baby.

  5. Ann Snook-Moreau says:

    Thank you for relating your feelings so honestly! Many moms try to put on a brave face or feel bad that they experience loneliness. Connecting with others in your situation is key!

    • Miss Fely says:

      Yes, us moms try to put on a brave face sometimes and at the end of the day we become exhausted. It’s good to let your feelings show once in a while.

  6. Great post to shine a light on taking care of yourself. It can get lonely for everyone, even when there are others around. Love the photos,too!

  7. Daisi says:

    I am not a mommy yet and therefore can’t relate. But self care and joining a mommy group is definitely a good idea for moms who feel lonely.

  8. Echo says:

    I loved reading this! The loneliness of motherhood is something that I was not prepared for. I had no idea how isolating it could be. Thank you so much for sharing this and for your tips.

  9. Minakshi says:

    they are able to interact with other children and learn from each experience. With each experience they become stronger beings later on in life.

  10. Jocelyn says:

    I’m not a mom yet, but I have noticed a lot of my friends who are mothers joining or creating groups to interact with. Social media has also seemed to help because it opens up so many opportunities to reach out and ask for advice or help.

  11. Meagan Badore says:

    Self care for moms is so super important. I wish I could find baby mama group in my area. I have great friends that I have made through my tween daughter but with a new baby, I would love to get to know other moms with new babies.

  12. Berlin says:

    I agree re being part of a community. Support groups help a lot. I am part of a number of mom communities and they all are helpful to push me forward.

  13. It takes lot of courage and honesty to even accept the “loneliness” aspect and find good support. This topic is so near and dear to us. And so happy to see someone talking about it

  14. Becoming a mom changed me too. When my daughter isn’t here, I sometimes feel lonely too. I can relate to all of this.

  15. Iliah says:

    I remember these days SOO well. I stopped working when Ama was almost two and I was preggos with LiLi. I felt so alone and unconnected and emotions are always everywhere when you’re pregnant! Somedays I still feel a bit unconnected and I have to remember to fit in time for myself!! Thanks for this post, mama!

    • Miss Fely says:

      Self care is so important for us moms. We need to care for ourselves before we can take care of others.

  16. kim says:

    I can definitely see how it can be lonely being a stay at home mom of young children. I think it’s so important to social and if needed get involved in mom’s groups.

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Welcome to Miss Fely! Latina, born and raised in Southern California. Wife to my husband Ken and mother to two little crazy ones.

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